Central Belters Pan Breid



Pan Breid, written by Keighley Bell. An observation.

Cambusnethan Cemetery: situated in the heart of Lanarkshire, it is a place of barely any natural beauty. 3 Auld dears are normally parked on a bench, gabbin'. Today there is only 2. The word on the street, validated by Pauline the Tacky who works in ASDA, is that Ina has The Cancer. Poor soul.

Davie, Ina's son, has never felt like the world has owed him as much as it does now. His community service, power washing shite off the pavement distracts him. Boaby, the local wide-o, is keeping Davie busy; dogging school, hanging dog shit bags in trees, offering neon graffiti services and littering the place with right, left and centre wing political slander that no one understands. No one understands it because they can't be arsed reading the leaflets.

Yet we all choose a side in Camby, no questions asked.
Catholic, Protestant, Celtic, Rangers, Scottish, British, Bucky or a packet of fags.
Bigots that want to be part of something bigger, armed with volume rather than knowledge. Who can shout the loudest?

As Ina's stay in hospital is prolonged, Kay and Olive, her sidekicks, offer their secret services: delivering the local goss to her daily with a dose of digestive biscuits. People are worried, but we all know the outcome. It's never good news in the end.

We do not know what we have till it's gone. With each generation, social expectation changes but the culture is still the same.

Cultural ignorance.

Cambusnethan: stuck here when you're alive, trapped here when yer deid.

Some how, there is comfort in that.

This show was part of our 2019 Edinburgh Fringe Programme